Sunday, April 01, 2007

Oh, If Only It Were So

What's April Fool's without a satirical news column? And far from wishing it was so, it all IS SO, except the part where Bush miraculously acquires a conscience. Which requires growing a soul, which come to think of it, requires some kind of functional brain. Probably too many miracles to ask for.

From the pen of intrepid roving SOTT reporter Ignacious O'Reilly:

Exclusive: Bush admits guilt in handling of 9-11

Ignacious O Reilly
Signs of the Times

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 16:09 EDT

President George W. Bush surprised reporters at a White House press conference this afternoon when he admitted that not only had he not done enough to prevent 9/11, but that the real perpetrators were actually members of a US shadow government that had been controlling US politics for over 100 years.

Mr. Bush, who was speaking from within a human shield made up of large and bulky Secret Service agents, had decided that his Christian convictions made it necessary for him to tell the truth after watching a re-screening of Mel Gibson's film The Passion of the Christ.

"I am willing to endure the consequences," said a shaken Bush. "The Jews killed our Savior, and Mossad, working with members of my administration, attacked the World Trade Center and the Pentagon."

Mr. Bush also denounced the American media for their sycophantic coverage of post-9/11 events.

"While courageous French reporters were uncovering the truth, journalists from our own country were mindlessly repeating whatever Rumsfeld, Condi Rice, Cheney, and I were telling them. It has been a black day for America. We owe our French allies an apology. Let the word 'French' from this day on be synonymous with 'freedom'."

Mr. Bush then outlined what had really happened.

As many objective observers had long suspected, Bush confirmed that Al-Qaeda was a front for US intelligence. After the Afghan war against Soviet rule, deep cover CIA agents, with close links to the Pakistani intelligence service and the Bush family mafia, worked to turn the organisation against America. Given US policy in the Middle East, particularly its brazen support for the genocidal policies of Israel against the Palestinians, this was easy. A few well-placed operatives were able to turn Al-Qaeda into a useful tool for the next phase of what Mr. Bush termed Operation Save the Earth.

US shadow government planners have long been aware that the early 21st century would be a time of great upheaval. Climate change would cover vast agricultural areas under snow and ice, reducing the world's food supplies. Oil would run out, leading to major disruptions of industrial civilisation. Cometary impacts were also expected to destroy large sections of the planet. A radical solution was needed to save the world's elite, hence Operation Save the Earth was born in the 1920s.

The project drew up a timetable for the elimination of the majority of the world's population by 2010.
[This one just too farfetched? Check the article HERE]

The first step was the backing of Adolf Hitler in Germany. This lead to millions of deaths and the perfection of technologies that would be useful later in controlling the US population. Thousands of Nazis were later brought to the US after the war to continue the development of these systems. The existence of the Communist world was the justification of the militarization of the US economy and the basis for instilling a culture of fear. Political choices were narrowed to the corporatist political parties, the Republicans and the Democrats.

World rage at the horrors of the war led to the establishment of the United Nations. This organisation was used by propagandists to scare US citizens into believing the threat of One World Government was an external threat while the US carefully put into place its hegemony.

Returning to the question of 9/11, Bush said that the shadow government, which included highly placed Israelis known as 'NeoCons', as well as US citizens, planned the attack on 9/11 as the justification for the penultimate phase of Operation Save the Earth. This phase would include the complete control over human communication and movement prior to population reduction. By fomenting the phony "War on Terror," the pieces would be put into place for the establishment of martial law where populations could not be controlled through propaganda and brainwashing. It would also justify US intervention across the globe to secure the resources that would be necessary for the elite after they moved into their underground cities to sit out the coming Dark Age of population reduction and the cometary holocaust.

"They felt that it was necessary to have an American presence as widely spread over the globe as possible, with the hope that no matter how bad the wars and cataclysms, some small piece of our democracy and freedoms would continue as a model for those poor wretches who faced the dangers on the surface," the President said.

The only way to mobilize support within the US for the grabbing of resources was "a new Pearl Harbor," such as had been suggested by Richard Perle and other Neo-cons prior to the Bush Presidency.

"The plans were out in the open," said Bush. "You can read the papers they published. But this was part of the game these people were playing. They were trying to see how much they could get away with in public."
[apparently, almost anything they want . . .]

The 9/11 operation was carried out over several years through the close supervision of Mossad working in the US.

"The so-called 'Islamic terrorists' were actually being run by the Israelis," confirmed Bush. By choosing Saudi nationals as the "terrorists", the Israelis sought to set US opinion against their Arab neighbor.

The plan almost unraveled when the explosion at the Pentagon only created a three-yard wide hole in the fa├žade.

"Rummy was worried after that," said Bush. "He thought it would give the game away. But after consulting with his bosses, they convinced him that no one in the US would believe that it could have been an inside job."

Another dark moment came went word leaked out that the Pakistani intelligence chief had been caught with $100,000 to be paid to the "Islamic terrorists."

Continuing on, the President talked about Iraq.

"Of course, I wanted to pin it on Saddam. He tried to kill my Daddy. But no one ever told me anything about what was really happening. It served Rummy and Cheney's plans to go into Iraq, so I guess they encouraged my desire to blame Saddam."

Bush said he hadn't known about the shadow government until last week, although whenever he visited with his Vice President, he felt a sort of cold, evil shudder come over him.

"I never thought anything of it. I used to feel that way all the time when I was with Daddy." Bush said that he learned the truth from Condi Rice.

"She came in to see me last week complaining that 'they' were trying to make her the fall guy for the whole operation. I said, 'Well, Condi, they can't make you the fall guy because you're a woman.' That was when she had the guts to sit me down and tell me the whole truth."

"When she was done, I remembered the cold dread of evil I had felt after the space shuttle was blown out of the sky a few years ago. I knew she was telling me the truth."

Comment: A little 'April Fools' joke, of sorts, because if the truth, rather than lies were the most valued commodity in this world, something very similar to the above report would have already made the headlines in all of the world's mainstream media outlets. As it is, the truth only lives on News sites like Signs of the Times.

2 comments:

mtnfund said...

You've been invited to a fancy ball but the only thing you have to wear is an orange wooly jumper. What shoes do you wear?

Red high top converse tennis shoes of course, what a silly question.

Blue Ibis said...

You must be an Autumn . . . :)

If only the article above could be true instead of as outlandish as your so fetching ensemble!