Sunday, February 10, 2008

Ya Need a Laugh Now and Again

Ok, the charge that us kooky konspiracy theorists take ourselves way too seriously is often leveled at us. And ya know, we'd be the first to agree that sometimes that does apply to some of the more whacked-out blights on the legitimate alternative research community. The ones throwing out the "wild enough to might be true" stories with nary a checkable fact in sight. Take the latest offering from the "Project Camelot" site (oooh, already dripping with "conspiracy juju"). It had the researchers at SOTT rolling in the aisles, enough so that the satire bug bit hard. So herewith in the cause of education through humour, I give you The REAL Norwegian Politician!

Blue Ibis
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Luka the Ferret
Fri, 08 Feb 2008 17:09 EST

The REAL Norwegian Politician speaks up! (Not the same as this one!)

As reported by Norwegian Secret Military Analysts to their Leak Me a Secret Magazine subscribers.

We recently received a most interesting letter from a real Norwegian politician. Although we wouldn't declare under oath for the authenticity of the manuscript, the elegant handwriting and the numerous footnotes suggest that a great deal of scientific research was carried out to support the claims. Plus, the poor use of the English language proves that we are dealing with a foreigner! Plus, the inability to write a coherent paragraph proves we are dealing with a politician!

Norwegian politician
©Unknown

- - - - - - - -

I am a Norwegian politician. Really. I would like to say that difficult things have happened throughout the history of the human race and they will still be happening from the current year (2008) [1] till the year ominously known as 2012 and beyond. All the years in between inclusive.

The Norwegian government is building more and more ultra secret underground bases and bunkers. But I know because I am an ultra politician. When I ask about the bases, they simply say that they are for the protection of the beautiful people of Norway. When I ask which beautiful people, they say "beautiful people who love their country, George Bush and the war on terror". When I inquire when they are due to be finished, they reply "before 2011". If I inquire any further I get a slap on the face, so I don't.

Israel is doing the same. And also many countries which are actually legitimate. The number of countries building bunkers is between [deleted] and [deleted] - give or take, sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on the weather conditions. Let me double check with my secretary.

The proof that what I am saying is true is in the photographs I have sent of myself and all the Prime Ministers and ministers I tend to meet here. I mean, I am a friend of them - although unfortunately not all of them are friends with me. The photographs of myself are in the yellow envelope enclosed and the photos of the ministers are in the white envelope. If you think this doesn't constitute any proof as there are no photos with both me and the ministers, then I provide the following as ultimate proof:

[Spectacular ultimate proof supplied but deleted for security reasons].

The people who are doing this know all of what they themselves are doing, that is beyond any doubt. But they don't want to alarm you, the common and ugly people, nor create mass panic. Selfish as they are, they do not wish to share anything, not even their panic.

Planet X [2] is coming [3] and Norway has begun with storage of food and seeds in the Svalbard area and in the Arctic North with the help of the US and EU and all around in Norway, as Norway has been designated the Underground Elite Kitchen and Food Storage. They still haven't figured out how to transfer and serve the food from Norway to the rest of the underground bases around the world three times a day, but they are working on it. When enquired when they will come up with a solution, they cryptically reply "before 2011".

Satellite Norway
©Unknown

They will only save those who are in the elite of power and those who can build up again: doctors, scientists, and so on. This includes me, naturally, as I am a politician and politicians are spin doctors proficient in the science of propaganda. Shockingly, they also plan to save themselves - selfish as they are. And they have already a few of the members of the elite in hiding: Osama, Saddam, Abu Musaf and Adolf are already established. However you wouldn't recognize Adolf as he has shaved his cute little mustache.

I already know that I am going to leave before 2012 to go the area of Mosj√łen where we have a deep underground military facility. There we are divided into sectors: red, blue and green. The use of colors indicates that this is all very professional. Why there is no yellow sector, I can only guess. This is unfortunate because yellow is my favorite color. The signs of the Norwegian military are already given to the selected ones and the camps have already been built a long time ago. So long ago that you wouldn't believe it, so I'm not telling.

The people that are going to be left on the surface and die will get no help whatsoever. The logic is that once they are all dead there is little to nothing that can be done for them. This is entirely consistent with the selfishness of the elite. The plan is that 2,000,000 Norwegians are going to be safe, and the rest will die. If the current population of Norway is 4,600,00, a quick mathematical calculation indicates that 2,600,000 will perish into the night not knowing what to do. Alternatively, 2,600,000 will perish into the day not knowing what to do.

All the sectors and arks are connected with tunnels and have railcars that can take you from one ark to the other, provided that you buy your travel ticket in advance. Failure to present a valid ticket will get you evicted from the bunker in Celebrity Big Brother style. Rail cars were built so that they could be in contact with each other, because telecom facilities on the surface are expected to perish into the night. Only large doors separate them so that the sectors are not compromised in any matter - besides, we do appreciate a little privacy once in a while. Like when we are sleeping, for example.

I am very sad. [4] Often I cry with others that know what so many will learn too late, and then it will all be over for them. The government has been lying to the people from 1983 till now. Even before, (1982, 1981 and 1980, for a few examples) the government has been lying, far back into the mists of time. You wouldn't believe me if I told you how ancient the political practice of lying is - so I won't tell. All the major politicians (like myself, who am totally for real) know this in Norway, but few will say it to the people and the public - because they are allergic to telling the truth, and because they are afraid in case they too will miss the NOAH 12 [5] rail cars that will take them to the ark sites where they will be safe.

If they tell anyone, they are dead for sure. But I don't care any more about myself. Mankind must survive and the species must survive. People must know this. But I do care about myself because I just said that I am going underground, and paradoxically, I am not dead for sure yet. And mankind will not survive even if they know because they will be left to die on the surface... so why am I telling you this anyway?

All the governments in the world are aware of this and they just say it is going to happen. Except that they don't say it because it's a secret.

For those of the people that can save themselves I can only say reach for higher ground and find caves up in high places where you can have a food storage for at least five years with canned food and water to last for a while. Radiation pills, biosuits and can openers are also advisable if your budget allows it. If you happen to have the money I recommend building your own underground facility as well. Just don't call it "Noah" as the name has already been taken and copyright laws will be enforced to their furthermost extent. And be sure to complete it before 2011.

For the last time (today) I say may God help us all... but God will not help us all, I know - he will only help us the elite, haha! Only each person individually can make a difference. How, you ask? And I reply: Wake up, please, come on, what's wrong with you people?!

I could have written to you using another name but I am not afraid of anything any more. [6] When you know certain things (which I'm not telling) you become invincible and no harm can come to you when you know that the end is soon... does that make sense? I thought so.

I assure you 100% that things will happen. What these things are, well, that's another story. But I can guarantee that things will happen. The proof is that things have happened before and they have never stopped happening. For example, right now I just spilled the coffee on my desk. It always happens. See?

There are four years to prepare for the endgame. Get weapons, and make survival groups, and a place where you can be safe with food for a time. Please don't ask me how your weapons may help against a cosmic cataclysm as I have already said too much. Besides, I have no idea, but weapons are always nice to have around, aren't they? I should know as I'm a politician.

Ask me anything and I will answer as much as I know about the Norwegian connection to all this. I challenge you to ask if you dare! And just look around: they are building underground bases and bunkers everywhere. Look under your feet! What do you see? Isn't the fact that you do not see anything strange the ultimate proof that the underground bases are ultra-secret?? Open your eyes, people!

Ask the governments what they are building, and they will say "Oh, it's just storage for food, it's just a new McDonald's, it's just a new state-of-the-art mall with cinema and parking lot", and so on. They blind you with all these prefabricated and really clever lies.

Base entrance
©Unknown

The marks of the alien presence are also there, and I often see the Norwegian elite politicians are not what they say they are. It's like they are controlled in every thought, and what they have to say is just as they are told to do things in such manners. It is clear for an insider like me to determine who they are and who they are not. You can see it in their eyes and in their minds. You can see it most of all when they remove their plastic masks and stick their reptile forked tongues at you (they like to do that a lot).

Remember that those who are going to be in and around the city areas in 2012 are those who are going to be hit first and die first. Later the army will purge the rest of the survivors and they have a shoot to kill order if there is any resistance to bring them into the camps where every one will get marked with a number and a tag. Of course all of these things will be done out of pure evil, as there is no point in shooting and enslaving people who are already perishing into the night as the result of a cosmic catastrophe.

I also see that Benazir Bhutto is spoken of on your site. She was a blessing, and so is your site. Her death was a tragedy. And so is your site. I have met Benazir. You can see that I included a cut-out of a picture of hers from a newspaper. You will also see that I have included pictures of my childhood. If you put them together side by side you will conclude that I knew Benazir since I was a boy. Try this fun exercise with the photographs of other notable politicians and world leaders and you will see that I am very popular indeed! I do this often myself.

The public will not know what happens till the very end, because the government does not want to create mass panic. Everything will happen quietly and the government will just disappear. Except that now I am telling you and now you will know. That is why you are now experiencing mass panic and the government will not be able to disappear. It is a paradox of our times that the government will disappear yet it will not disappear which is up to YOU to figure out!

But I say this: don't go quietly into the night. Take precautions to be safe with your family. Come together with others. Work together to find ways to solve all the many problems you will face. But if you really have to go, then go in style noisily into the night.

Truly, really, honestly and sincerely,

[Name and ultimate proof of identity supplied, yet deleted for security reasons]

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Endnotes

1. According to latest intelligence reports we are now officially in 2008.
2. "X" is for "Xplosion".
3. Google "Planet X is coming" for ultimate proof that Planet X is coming. Or try Wiki.
4. I provide as proof of my sadness a flask with a sample of tears. Please treat respectfully.
5. An incredible coincidence: I just found out that "Noah" is the name of the guy from the Bible who built an ark and saved himself from the flood! Amazing that the exact same name is used yet again, isn't it??
6. But thank you for conveniently deleting my name on your web page!!

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