palin mccain wave

My Friends,

Over the past few days I have come to realize that my campaign for President has devolved into a national disgrace. The negative campaign tactics I have unleashed are dangerously dividing our country while fueling religious and racial hatred along socio-economic lines. In my ruthless attempt to win the Presidency at any cost I have abandoned any principles of decency I once had and am now only a shadow of my former self to everyone who knows me or thought they knew me, or once respected me. Also I have come to realize that my unfair and disgustingly false attacks on Senator Obama's character, which were thinly disguised attempts to link him and his wife Michelle to Muslim terrorists, have been the last thing anyone who claims to be putting "Country First" would do. And worse, I may have even placed him and his family in danger from the radical and dangerous extremists who now inhabit and infect the base of my party - a group I once denounced but decided I needed to vigorously cultivate by turning myself into a "flip-flopper" in order to win this election. I encourage my fellow Senators to file ethics charges against me for having done something so disgraceful like this.

Basically the energized base of the Republican party - a bunch of religious extremists - only care about preventing abortion even in cases of rape or incest. My friends, they are even against stem cell research to cure diseases! The bumpersticker of my base reads: God, Guns, and Guts! These people will mindlessly chant: USA!! USA!! USA!! at my rallies versus even attempting to understand the many serious issues facing our country in these troubling times. In other words the base of the GOP that I need to get myself elected President consists of too many mindless nitwits and/or dangerous religious extremists and racists. That's why I thought I could stoke their fear and anger against Senator Obama to try and win this election. It was a grave mistake and a very bad gamble on my part. My friends, the country has turned against this kind of politics and my polling numbers have plummeted. I realize I no longer have any chance of winning this election. Also I can no longer associate myself with "extremists" and fringe people like this and those who rally these kinds of nasty and ignorant people to support my campaign. Wealthy people like Cindy and myself would never have anything to do with people like this if I weren't running for office. We really detest these clueless ignorant crackpots and most everything they stand for.

As an example of what I have unleashed: At recent rallies, supporters of mine have yelled out: "Treason!", "Terrorist!", "Kill him!", "Bomb Obama!", and "Off with his head!" against Sen. Obama. I have also heard these unhinged people yell out racial epithets. And now I regret not taking any stand against these kinds of outbursts at the moment they were uttered. My friends, I can no longer be a party to inciting my supporters to acts of vigilantism against Sen. Obama in order to try and win an election. With our racially motivated slurs against Sen. Obama, Sarah and I helped to stoke these monsters and now we must do everything we can to distance ourselves from them in an attempt to tamp down their anger and rage. That is why I am suspending my campaign for good. YES, WE CAN'T!

My friends, I have made many other mistakes in this campaign as well. The media, whom I have falsely and repeatedly accused of liberal bias to incite my base, correctly reported I wanted to pick my dear friend, Sen. Joe Lieberman, as my running mate. Senator Lieberman and I both share the same imperialistic neocon views about using our military FIRST anywhere in the world to protect Israel's interests regardless of what it does to our own country when we act this way unilaterally based upon lies and fear. But I realized that Sen. Lieberman's views on abortion would have cost me the base of my party and without that base I could not win. So instead of doing the right thing and picking a well-respected and highly qualified person as my Vice President even if not Sen. Lieberman, I chose Sarah Palin. I therefore did not put "Country First". I picked Sarah Palin because I hoped to steal some votes from disaffected women supporters of Hillary Clinton. I should have known better. Clinton supporters and most women have nothing in common with someone like Sarah Palin or her views. I also picked Sarah Palin because I was impulsive and thought I needed to do something dramatic to energize my stale campaign. I knew my base was naive and gullible enough to fall for Sarah Palin and they did! To be fair, Sarah Palin only did what she was told. The campaign knew we couldn't allow her or any of her family to speak to the media unscripted. We were quite fortunate the media never demanded much from Sarah Palin nor her family. Instead they quickly found a way to turn the Palins into "C-grade celebrities" to boost their ratings. This helped our campaign for a short time. But even that effort failed once Sarah's lack of curiosity and knowledge of issues was exposed. Now she and her family are of little use to this campaign.

So now it's time for the Palins to head home to Alaska. Sarah needs to spend her time taking care of her Down's baby instead of using him as our campaign's right-to-life prop. Her younger children and teenage daughter also need to be back in school where they have belonged for over a month. Sarah needs to make sure her unwed teenage daughter Bristol receives better sex education counseling. The family needs to make sure both older children get immediate drug counseling including their eldest son, Track who's in Iraq because he couldn't get into college. The Palin family have many serious family issues they should be dealing with instead of spending their time running for office. Sarah will have all she can handle in Alaska to avoid being impeached for serious violations of state ethics laws. Obviously my campaign didn't vet Sarah Palin very well and this is yet another serious mistake my campaign has made. So the Palin family will be heading back to Alaska soon and I wish them well. You will just have to find another redneck dysfunctional family to satisfy your own weird entertainment needs.

During my campaign I also thought I could win with cheap sloganeering. I figured all I needed to do was repeat the label "Maverick" enough times and people would think I was a different kind of politician and candidate than George Bush. I was even foolish enough to believe I could steal Sen. Obama's message of "Change" and use it for myself. I actually thought that despite my long career in the House and Senate while supporting Bush almost 95% of the time, Americans would be dumb enough to believe I stood for change. How crazy was that? I owe the American people my sincerest apologies.

Also during my campaign I actually thought everyone understood why I had to associate with lowlifes, misfits, racists, homophobes, misogynists, and religious zealots in order to win the election. Did anyone really think Cindy and I would ever invite a Sturgis, South Dakota motorcycle type crowd over to our Sedona estate for a BBQ? You've got to be kidding!

My friends, I was way too old and decrepit and in unstable health to run for President. That's why I couldn't release all of my medical records and had troubling remembering things on the campaign. This too reflected bad judgment on my part.

I have attempted to describe some of the more serious blunders I have made in this campaign and the reasons for them. No candidate for President can make this many disastrous mistakes in a campaign and expect to win. Why? Because it's a reflection of one's poor judgment. No sane American should consider me qualified nor capable of holding high office and becoming your next President. The country cannot afford to have a President who doesn't demonstrate much better judgment than I have demonstrated during my entire life and more specifically this campaign. Nor should my reckless and careless decision-making during the campaign be rewarded by your vote for me.

So I wish to apologize to every American for what I have done to you and what I have subjected our country to during this campaign. I also wish to apologize to the Obama family for the viciousness of my attacks and lies. Cindy and I will try and reimburse all of our supporters for any monies of yours we collected and spent post convention on this misguided campaign. This is the only honorable thing to do even if we have to sell a few of our 8-11 houses and a most of our 13 cars or sell the stock in Cindy's beer distributorship worth well over $100 million or sell the company's plane we fly around in on Ebay . Effectively and immediately I am suspending my campaign because I realize this is THE ONLY way I can really put my COUNTRY FIRST.


John McCain

[Sarah Palin has agreed with this decision because I told her to.]

Sigh. Ok, back to reality. He won't leave and if history is any indictor, the collective "GET LOST!" of the ballot box won't make it happen either. Diebold, or their infernal descendents will see to that, if illegal purging of voter rolls doesn't.

Hunker down folks. McPalin's fascist machine is just reving up.